Taking a break from politics now (a bit like our government), I’m going to talk about distressed things.

For those of you not in the know, that’s making new stuff (furniture, clothing) look like it’s old and worn. I think it’s supposed to give it a whiff of provenance, apparently removing the impression that your dining table was made by 6 year old Chinese children yesterday by staining it with tea and hitting it with bicycle chains.

Pre-fading clothing is quite popular as well – because surely only an imbecile would wear jeans that looked new. No, it’s much better to be seen wearing clothing that’s approximately as faded as the Turin Shroud.

I’ve never been entirely sure why this is the case. Perhaps it’s an outgrowth of the ‘new shoes’ syndrome every schoolboy is familiar with (especially if you were ever foolish enough to wear white trainers) – a rite of passage whereby your shiny new shoes would be stamped on, scuffed and dragged through mud – attached to your feet or otherwise – in order to make them look as knackered as the shoes you’ve just replaced.

I can’t say I’ve ever seen a similar scene recreated when a friend has bought a new couch though – “oh, your sofa looks a bit new there, Jim – I’d better kick fuck out of it for ten minutes and then wipe dogshit in-between the cushions”

So there’s no need to pre-empt it by destroying your nice new belongings yourself (or buying them pre-damaged, like some sort of twat). I mean, for much of my childhood, I did wear plenty of clothes that were ‘distressed’, but that’s because they were fucking second-hand. It wasn’t a deliberate ‘look’ I was going for. We just couldn’t afford new ones all the time.

As there is still a second-hand industry in this country (primarily in the form of charity shops), going to the effort of paying shitloads of cash for new clothing (or furniture) that merely looks like it was recently worn by a tramp strikes me as an astonishingly fuckwitted thing to do.

…and considering that it’s mainly inbred rich people who partake of this trend, I think I’ve answered my own question there.

Posted by Dave in Bastardry (11/05/2010 at 10:00).
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