noun (dated Charlton Heston film reference)
1. SoylentDave is made out of people.
2. You tell everybody, you’ve gotta tell them!
3. SoylentDave is PEOPLE!
It’s written by two people:
So let’s knock that on the head.
I’ve been venting my frustrations onto various parts of the internet for about a decade now - if you’ve come across Soylent Dave or Unimaginative Pseudonym before, then it was probably me. Especially if he seemed at least a little bit pissed off.
I’m legitimately xenophobic (I make up reasons for hating foreigners), loveably misogynistic (I live with my girlfriend, but she is in the kitchen) and brutally tactless (sometimes mistakenly identified as ”just your English sense of humour” by Americans – no, I was actually calling you a cunt).
I’m arrogant, egotistical and cynical. It’s been suggested that I have anger management issues, but I prefer to think of other people as having competence delivery issues.
I overuse italicisation and ellipses. I like footnotes². You may already have noticed this…
Oh yeah, I swear a fair bit too³. Maybe I should have put this bit in at the start. If you are easily offended, especially by things like ‘hyperbole’ and ‘irony’, then you’re probably American.
(I don’t have any advice for you, but I thought I’d point it out in case you were confused. Although if you’re very confused, you might just be Canadian instead – it all depends on how amusing your accent is, really).
As well as getting all angry on the internet, I am an enormous nerd. Sometimes I write about that as well.
I have recently discovered that I enjoy pissing about with the colour of my hair.
This may or may not be a mid-life crisis.
¹Which means I am of course young, hip and/or down with the kids.
²And no, I’m not trying to be like Terry Pratchett. Jesus, how poorly read do you have to be before you start thinking that Terry fucking Pratchett invented the footnote?
³But only because it’s big and clever.
Hi, I’m Blogmella,
I’m NOT Mancunian; I’m from the South of England, where people pronounce “grass” properly and eat chips without a disgusting coating of gravy. Unlike Dave my default setting is “nice” (not “asshole”). I’m over twenty years older than Dave but nobody really cares, because people today are so immoral (thank goodness).
I have an extraordinary talent for anything that I don’t get paid for, so blogging comes naturally to me. When I’m not blogging I plan and co-present a radio show (for ALLFM) about food. I don’t get paid for that either. I can’t help thinking I’m selling myself short somehow.
My role-models are GLaDOS (from Portal), Jesus (from The Bible) and Paula Yates (from In Bed With Paula).
The briefest glance at this page will tell you two things:
- Dave and I are strangely incompatible.
- My blog posts are going to be better than his.